Never Ending Circle

She gets a call
In the dark of night
Answered with dread
Something's not right

She stop in her tracks
With horrible news
Shaking her head
Wants to refuse

She picks up her friend
and rushes downtown
Hearts full of fear
The worst to be found

She can't see the ground
She can't walk ahead
For entering the room
She knows he is dead

And in months that follow
Her mind flashes back
To that hospital room
Where fears become fact

The questions arise
Why? she screams why!
Did that young man
Have to suffer and die.


Part II

The next call comes
Received with delight
Glad to be awoken
In the middle of the night

Head hits the pillow
Breathes out a sigh
A smile turns her lips
Only she knows why

She tiptoes in
And arrives at the place
Where death and new life
Mix and embrace

As she walks in
Smiles greet her face
Her feelings reversed
About this small space

I want spring

More than I wanted winter last year. More than I want anything presently. As easy as school undoubtedly seem to be, I'm not ready for it.

I want crisp air and layers and leaves and the good kind of solitude.

And I want to see everyone again.And I'll scream under my breath: "I'm alive", to each and everyone I re-meet.

And I want people to see me, without me caring what they thing, like I always said I didn't.

And I want to enjoy two more years of this.

I'm prepared for this, I know what's coming. I'm wiser.

It's just the right brew... like the coffee I'm going to go make.

Burst of Joy

My life is incredibly hectic right now, and held together only by the fact that I'm keeping it all semi-organized in my new planner. Every time someone asks me to do something extra I just feel like I'm going to pop... I'm the kind of person who needs breathing room and quiet, empty spaces.

to my great amusement, my parents reported to me that while at their card club, all of my friends parents were talking about booking me to do their kid's pictures next year. At this rate, and this is completely honest, I'm going to have to start scheduling this year. It's good though... it'll secure me some money next summer + my job.

I'm really glad that my time is more organized this year. I'm actually able to function day to day without freaking out about "whens". If this was me last year, I'd be doubled over with the pressure of 8 classes, no lunch or study hall, work, senior photos, school paper, scholarships, standardized test prep, and actually being a functioning member of society, AND art. I can always find time for art.

Whew... I feel much better now that I've gotten all of that out of my head. Less poetic than normal... I always write what comes to my mind, and in this case, it was my entire life. Sometimes I just need to empty it all out, and look at in the third person.

I'm so grateful for everything... everyone... for my past. People say they wish they hadn't done this or that, but forget that it's those things that make us who we are. Mistakes are only mistakes if you just let them pass by without examining them. My life is one giant mistake I'm proud to say.

One massive, beautiful, romantic, dreaming, idealistic, silent, gazing mistake.

Today, one of my best friends asked me what the difference was between loving and being in love.

And I knew exactly what to say.